Summer Madness

I’ve been gone for a while but I decided that I should begin the process of writing again while summer is still among us. I have had a very productive summer season. Lots of change and movement and just realizing different types of things about myself, all while meeting new people and making the most of my days. So why is it that I find myself in such a familiar position of flux? I have to say, the sadness for the ex-girlfriend has mostly all dissipated but I still long for her sometimes and wish that things could have just remained the way that they were. I remember watching a scene from the movie “Eat, Pray, Love” where James Franco and Julia Roberts are in bed together and he says something to the effect of “Why can’t we just stay like this? Unhappily happy”. After watching that movie, I knew she would leave. Partly because she runs from her problems and partly because I just knew she would run from the idea of us. It really didn’t matter what I did, or could do, she was gonna find a way out. I recently saw her as I was going to work and she tried to “friend chat” me. As if the last 12 years of our lives weren’t spent fighting for what we thought each other should be. We started seriously talking and she brought up, again, the fact that I cheated on her 10-11 years ago. I had, at that moment, come to the conclusion that that is the only real thing that she can use to make peace with what she did and if I am right, then I am better off.

 

On a completely different note, I have been faced with numerous dating offers over the past few months. It’s all very refreshing because I had sort of forgotten that so many women find me attractive due to the boa constriction that was my most recent relationship. The fact that this is happening gives me a kind of confidence in myself that has eluded me in the past but it isn’t the only thing that has inspired me. I feel like this adversity has flicked a switch inside of me that has never been accessed. I have had a very small group of people that have helped pull me out of the darkness that I was in and I have to thank them a lot. My little homie Sammy, I love you. You’re too great and I just want you to know that I have your back. And my Slovak…”tanks” for being u. Sarah, you mean a lot to me and I hope that when you get back, we’ll still be close. And to everyone else, thanks. I’m growing as a person. I just hope that I’m growing up instead of growing down…

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