Feelings I feel

I have been thinking about a  few things recently and I feel the need to share them. I have had a few run-ins with some people who have had issues with me and the way I do things. Or did things. I really don’t mind that because I understand that shit happens but I don’t agree with holding on to something for so long that you explode over something stupid. To each his own but I don’t condone that stuff. If you have something to say, something that you felt slighted on, you man up (or woMAN up) and just say what you feel when you feel it. What’s the use of holding it in? You’re just tormenting yourself.

But anyway, it’s getting closer to the holidays, and I can’t say that I am ever excited for those times. The family aspect is cool but I wish that my family were closer and that we didn’t do these get-together’s like they are manditory and against the will of all. I feel like I should want to go see my family not dread it up until I get to the stairs and slowly start looking forward as I walk up each step. I wish I were able to get everyone together a few more times a year, for no real reason. Just to have fun and laugh and get drunk and love each other. Tell wacky stories and dance a bit. I will work hard to get to that point and try to be a good example for the younger ones that are coming up. I am starting to bond with my brother a bit more and I have to say, I like it. I was such a rotten kid with him that I totally understand our lack of a relationship while I was younger. Always wearing his clothes and sneakers and mimicking him as much as I could, but the guy never understood that I admired the hell out of him. He was the closest thing I had to a father figure because the actual guy was a piece of shit. I hope I can get more of my brother’s advice and avoid a few of the trappings that folks my age get into.

It’s been a very, very, VERY long year but I finally see the sun rising. I have a few things to look forward to, leading into the new year but I am not overlooking the year that I am currently in. I want everyone to enjoy life. To the ones that love me, I love you too. To the ones that hate me, fuck you. Hahaha, nah, I love y’all too.

– Le Ch1ffre

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