Ante Again…

I spoke to Milton, a little while ago, and told him that we have to be great. No matter what. I have not relented on my proposition. If anything, I’ve doubled down on that very way of thinking. Everything that I do must be done with the intention of doing it in the greatest possible way. This can, undoubtedly, bring forth a certain level of pressure with regards to the endeavors that I pursue but I’m not worried about that. Pressure comes with any and everything that we attempt to master. So how is attempting to be great going to be any different? That pressure is a small price to pay, to get to the heights that I am convinced that I am fated to reach. Few are privy of the knowledge of the depths of hell, from which I have emerged. Granted, there are many different iterations of Hades but I can veritably say that I experienced one of them.  No need to elaborate. Suffice to say that I was able to crawl out of that hole and aspire for the things that believe that I deserve. The funny thing about life is that the heights that you, sometimes, covet end up being beyond what the universe may be willing to offer. Maybe the mark that you are meant to make has already been made. Maybe you are at the very end of your road. Maybe I am at the very end of mine….Or maybe the book has many chapters yet to be written. None of us are the wiser. For this reason we are continuously warned that we should prioritize the relationships that we hold dear, by people who have seen the things that we are still approaching, and not focus solely on the achievements that we strive for, daily. Our lives don’t belong to us. They were gifts, given by a higher power. So what exactly are you going to do with yours? If it all ended today, I would be okay because my mom is proud of me. That, to me, is the apex. There was a point in time when I couldn’t be so sure of what I just said. Communication issues. But, putting all of that aside, I still feel that I have more to do. Certain people enter and exit our lives, every day, and we can only hope to learn from the relationships that develop, through those encounters, in order to better navigate the terrain that we occupy. There are answers to everything that we need to know and, a lot of times, they are right in front of us. We’ve simply grown so accustomed to the complexities that most of those answers are cloaked in, that we expect everything to be elaborate. But I believe that there are simple solutions to most things. Exceptions to the rule will always occur but simplifying is what I pour my energies into. That, and not allowing the static to distort the message that was originally intended for me. Take that information as you will. I am only able to speak for myself. The universe has pulled certain individuals into my orbit and repelled others. The repelling was, at times, beyond my understanding. It may not have been what I wanted, in that very moment and, since I am not someone that quits on things, I may have unwittingly attempted to fight for something that, if left to grow in my presence, could have ultimately hurt me. I have learned to trust the universe’s magnetism and fusing those principles with instinct make me supremely confident in the directions that I choose. None of this is to say that I always make the right choices, when I make decisions, but I trust myself enough to not dwell on the mistake once it is made. These beliefs have led me to the precipice of a set of interesting propositions. I don’t feel any fear towards the unknown. The only thing that I truly feel, at the moment, is what my instinct is alerting me to. Greatness is my journey. Not my destination.

Outer

I have realized that my writing on this blog has escaped me a bit, as it always does, every now and then. I have hot and cold moments with the process and I believe that this is completely natural. But this time, as I kept thinking about certain topics that I wished to delve into, I realized that my desire to express myself has shifted slightly. At this point in my life, I have less inclination to write anything on here. I am more interested in visually representing how I feel and the perspectives that I come to. Currently, I am in a good mental space and, with that being said, I would like to offer that positive space to the world in the form of pictures, paintings and different forms of creative expression. There is no monetary motivations to any of this and that is how I think that it should be, because once I attach that sort of requirement to my creations it becomes more of an occupation than an outlet, which is really and truly not what I want.

The writing part of my creative process is going great. I have my books and write in them every day. I’ve learned to allow that process to become my way of getting certain things out, instead of feeling the need to write about specific situations. The interesting thing about the writing is that I have chosen to simply allow the moment to dictate the direction of the entry. This is sometimes very tough, considering that there are moments where my reluctance to limit the depth of the subject matter can take me back to some very difficult times. Occasionally, I’m actually surprised at the ease with which I get to the core of the issue that I end up writing about but, all in all, it is a very cathartic experience and I am very grateful for the ability to express myself in that way.

All of this to say that the blog isn’t going anywhere. I have promised changes for a while now and I have not done much in the way of that but it’ll happen. As reclusive as I am, this site has been a really great thing for me and I hope that you find it to be something that you enjoy as well. I will do my best to find new ways to make the site interesting. And creative.

Thank you for taking the time to read this entry.