Madie

Sun

I met Madie around eight or nine years ago. I had gone to a little place called “Blue Dog”,  with a few friends, because a friend was DJing, that night. I got in there and it was packed with people. It’s a very small venue, so it doesn’t take a large number of folks to make you start feeling a bit claustrophobic. I also remember that it was really hot, in there. As we made our way through a sea of people, in order to get to the front, I realized that I was gonna have to start looking for ways to get back towards the rear of the spot because I hate the feeling of being stuck, among dozens of people with little space to move. Eventually I made my way to the back and met this beautiful woman. I had seen her dancing, earlier in the night, and at this point, she was tired and decided to have a seat…while still gyrating, on the chair (still one of my funnier memories).  We started talking and she let me know that she was in Montreal to visit a friend of hers. I have never forgotten that moment, because that was the last time I would ever see her. We talked for a bit and exchanged numbers, with the intention of hanging out when she got back into the city but we were never able to make it happen. I figured that our connection would eventually fade because it was based on a semi-drunken encounter, but we maintained contact and it slowly began to morph into something altogether different . Be it by text, or through messenger, whatever the medium was, we would periodically let each other know that we cared for, and supported, one another.

The reason that I took the time to write about Madeleine is because I truly love her. I really, really love her. Throughout our friendship, she has been a constant example of ingenuity. A sort of muse. She has always had my back and always encouraged me, no matter the situation, since that very first encounter. I would like to highlight a part of one of our recent back-and-forths:

Madie 1

Madie 2

“I love you! You are enough…”

That comment came at the right time…

I had been dealing with a malaise of, exactly, not feeling as though I was good enough and she just hit me with a large dose of affection, and empathy. Empathy that reminded me that I AM good enough. People sometimes misunderstand when I say that I love a person, because I don’t say it very often, in the context of individuals that are in my life, or maybe, when I DO decide to say it , I don’t contextualize it appropriately,  but I don’t care to explain that, anymore. That last message, that she sent, gave me confidence at a time when I was severely lacking in that department. I have no doubt in my mind that I will see her again. It will be a joyous occasion. I just wanted to do something different , with this entry, and show appreciation to a person that inspires me to live life with my spirit. To demonstrate love and compassion, and, last but not least, to be happy. Hopefully, I reciprocate that sentiment. Take care of yourself, friend. We’ll reconnect soon. I love you.

Friends…?

friend
frend/
noun
plural noun: friends; plural noun: Friends
  1. 1.
    a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.

 

That’s what the dictionary says that word is supposed to mean but when everyone has their own, proper, definition for it, which version of that word do I select? See, here’s the thing, I’ve always had a weird relationship with that word because I’ve always felt a step away from inclusion. No blaming here. I’m well aware that this could, and probably is, solely on me and I think that I have done alright despite whatever my issues are. I would definitely need that objective viewpoint, in order to get the real picture of things, though. I have had people tell me things like we “don’t need to be in constant contact in order to be friends”, and I believe that, 100%. You know, life happens a million miles per second and if we look around for the others, we’ll miss it. I’ve got that part. It’s just…if neither of us is willing to extend a hand to the other, in order to keep contact, are we “friends”? What exactly are we clinging to? In this day, and age, silence speaks in a deafening baritone. There’s no good reason that you can give me for not getting in touch with your “friend”, with every option at our disposal, so I don’t want to hear that bullshit about “Y’know, time man”, or “I forgot”, “I been working crazy hours”. Nah, Sorry. The relevance of those words are only good for so long. Be real and call some of the folks by their real names: Acquaintances. It’s not that bad. I’m pretty sure that if all of the acquaintances actually knew that they were acquaintances, they would be okay with it. There’s a certain amount of sweetness in being unapologetically honest about the status of relationships…but we’re afraid…afraid to shake the ground that we believe that we stand so firmly on. The truth is that the ground is constantly shaking beneath you, you simply may not feel it, as much, from time to time.