There’s something that I would like to get off of my chest. A subject that I have been thinking about for a few months but that I needed to properly put together, in my mind. The subject is about people being phony. I don’t like it. I really, truly don’t. And so, I do my best not to perpetuate that type of behavior. I think of it as my own personal ethos. I just wouldn’t feel comfortable playing the part of “the interested party”, or “the caring individual”, if I didn’t actually feel that way. What I have noticed, in observing the actions of people around me, is that they occasionally feel this way too but the difference, between what I see and how I approach it, is that I do my very best to maintain this stance at all times. “I will not be fake!”, I say to myself. No matter how much it may advance my career, or put me into the good graces of the person that I am interacting with because, in the end, it just makes me feel like a shitty person to have “kept up the charade” at the expense of that other person’s belief.
This hard stance has gotten me in to trouble with past relationships, beit amicable or other, because I don’t think that I may have had a chance to properly explain my train of thought to the people that it directly affected. Or maybe they weren’t really listening to what I did say, when I spoke on it. Either way, this issue resurfaced itself a few weeks ago and so I will give an example of why being duplicitous is so maddening, to me.
I used to work with a guy, I’ll call him John. John and I have always had a pretty good relationship, in my mind. We weren’t overly close but we shared interests in a few things and, when we worked together, I always showed love because I genuinely had love for him. I had stopped working with John, and I hadn’t seen him for about a year when I ran into him in a restaurant that I frequented quite regularly. It was like we hadn’t missed a beat. Laughs, and good times. He informed me that he had recently moved into a new apartment and that I should come by. I told him that I surely would. So he sent me a text message with the address and I went over there. We spoke and spent some good time and, before I left, I had invited him over to my place. I explained that since he lived so close to where I stay, we would just hang out, get the grill working and listen to good music. He obliged, which made me happy because I don’t really invite anyone to my place. I didn’t really put much thought into the invite after that, but I realized that months had passed and I had not heard a word from John. “Meh”, I said. “We’re both busy doing things”, I told myself. About a year later, we got in contact for a forgotten reason and I let him know that the invite was still open. “For sure, man.”, he said, assuring me that we would get to it. As another year passed, I decided that I wouldn’t care about it anymore. This got me to thinking that maybe something had fractured our relationship, but I reassured myself of that not being the case. John has always been a solid dude, and if there were ever anything wrong, he would surely let me know. Fast forward to a few months ago, and I started the “Foreigner Exchange” series. I decided that I wanted to do an episode with John because I have always admired his perspective on certain things. I decided to send a text, asking him about helping me with “something for the blog” but I never got an answer back. So I decided to call, thinking that he may have changed his number. I needed to make sure that I was texting the right person. Call went out. It was the right number. Never got a call back. So, at this point, this treatment confirmed that there is, in fact, some issue. I decide to remove John from my social media and my phone, a few months after that. In my mind, there’s no point in having him on either platform if he’s not communicating with me. I had moved on from the situation and I had let go of anything associated to how I felt John was acting but, then, a few weeks, ago, I saw John while I was on my work break. He saw me and gave me a hug and asked if I worked in the area. I answered yes, and he mentioned that he did as well, and that we should have lunch together. He told me that he had my number in his phone and that we should get together.
THAT is when I got annoyed about this situation. I respected the fact that he was with people, in the moment of our interaction but, in my head, I was like “You know damn well that you are NOT going to make ANY attempt to reach out, to me. So why even make the offer?! You could have just said “Hey, you work over here? Me too. Well it was nice seeing you. Take care.”, and you keep it moving. I would have just had the interaction with him and gone on with my day. Why be fake about it? Is it because John had people around? Is it because we, generally, are fake with so many different things that we lose track of when we should be real? I don’t have the answers to that. Whatever the reason is, I do NOT want anyone to have these thoughts about me. I would much rather you not like me because you didn’t like the type of honesty that I offer you. At least you will know where you stand.
With regards to John, I have no actual beef with him. We all have the right to speak, or not speak, to whomever we chose. I am simply disappointed in how he chose to treat the entire situation because if there was/is an actual issue to address, I felt that he was a person that I would have put forth the effort to right the wrong. Alas…
Honesty is the best policy.