Ante Again…

I spoke to Milton, a little while ago, and told him that we have to be great. No matter what. I have not relented on my proposition. If anything, I’ve doubled down on that very way of thinking. Everything that I do must be done with the intention of doing it in the greatest possible way. This can, undoubtedly, bring forth a certain level of pressure with regards to the endeavors that I pursue but I’m not worried about that. Pressure comes with any and everything that we attempt to master. So how is attempting to be great going to be any different? That pressure is a small price to pay, to get to the heights that I am convinced that I am fated to reach. Few are privy of the knowledge of the depths of hell, from which I have emerged. Granted, there are many different iterations of Hades but I can veritably say that I experienced one of them.  No need to elaborate. Suffice to say that I was able to crawl out of that hole and aspire for the things that believe that I deserve. The funny thing about life is that the heights that you, sometimes, covet end up being beyond what the universe may be willing to offer. Maybe the mark that you are meant to make has already been made. Maybe you are at the very end of your road. Maybe I am at the very end of mine….Or maybe the book has many chapters yet to be written. None of us are the wiser. For this reason we are continuously warned that we should prioritize the relationships that we hold dear, by people who have seen the things that we are still approaching, and not focus solely on the achievements that we strive for, daily. Our lives don’t belong to us. They were gifts, given by a higher power. So what exactly are you going to do with yours? If it all ended today, I would be okay because my mom is proud of me. That, to me, is the apex. There was a point in time when I couldn’t be so sure of what I just said. Communication issues. But, putting all of that aside, I still feel that I have more to do. Certain people enter and exit our lives, every day, and we can only hope to learn from the relationships that develop, through those encounters, in order to better navigate the terrain that we occupy. There are answers to everything that we need to know and, a lot of times, they are right in front of us. We’ve simply grown so accustomed to the complexities that most of those answers are cloaked in, that we expect everything to be elaborate. But I believe that there are simple solutions to most things. Exceptions to the rule will always occur but simplifying is what I pour my energies into. That, and not allowing the static to distort the message that was originally intended for me. Take that information as you will. I am only able to speak for myself. The universe has pulled certain individuals into my orbit and repelled others. The repelling was, at times, beyond my understanding. It may not have been what I wanted, in that very moment and, since I am not someone that quits on things, I may have unwittingly attempted to fight for something that, if left to grow in my presence, could have ultimately hurt me. I have learned to trust the universe’s magnetism and fusing those principles with instinct make me supremely confident in the directions that I choose. None of this is to say that I always make the right choices, when I make decisions, but I trust myself enough to not dwell on the mistake once it is made. These beliefs have led me to the precipice of a set of interesting propositions. I don’t feel any fear towards the unknown. The only thing that I truly feel, at the moment, is what my instinct is alerting me to. Greatness is my journey. Not my destination.

Seoul Pt. 1

How many times have I dropped off of the map, with regards to this blog?! Too many…Let me, quickly, explain my thought process, though. I, sometimes, need a space removed from any sort of requirements to anything in particular. However, this small space is somewhere that I can always go to when I feel reinvigorated, and want to have a little fun by letting a few things out. I just don’t believe in “churning out needless words” for the sake of staying relevant. This is a gift and I am not one to abuse these types of things. The one aspect of this exercise that I feel that I should be used to, at this point, but that I have yet to grasp, is that people generally enjoy what I provide them, on this blog. From time to time, I will run into a person that tells me that they can’t wait for a new entry, or that a particular one caught their eye. That is so cool. Of course, you have others that feel the need to pass on that I should be looking for monetary compensation for undertaking this form of expression (which is truly irritating). I don’t want money for this because I am having fun with it. When this shit starts to feel like a job, the fun is gone. The love is usually soon to follow. Really and truly, I simply would like to express my innermost thoughts and feelings. If that so happens to include you then so be it.

Now, let’s get to the good stuff. I was in Asia, last year. During that time, I was able to go to a few countries, meet some cool people and do some cool things. Oh, and I was able to eat some different, delicious food. I have taken a long while to edit the videos that I recorded but, recently, I was finally able to get around to it. I’m very glad to share my adventures with you. I hope that you enjoy it.

 

The Cool Effect

I don’t know what to write, at the moment, but that’s never really been an issue. I normally just have to start down a path and, eventually, something shakes loose. I will say this: I’m really glad that I have nurtured my ability to communicate, in this form. I’ve come across a lot of brilliant minds that have a lot of trouble sharing their thoughts, when their thoughts are the only things occupying this blank canvas. I’ve always enjoyed reading but I’m not even sure as to what made me start drafting. It has always just felt…smooth. I wasn’t always skilled at the production aspect of creative writing, but I have been very fortunate to be able to find the words that I need, in order to express the series of interwoven thoughts that paint the picture of where I want to take readers. I’m pretty sure that, as I progress as a writer, I will look back on these entries and see so many flaws that it will embarrass me to think that I ever viewed these posts as “decent”. For now, however, I like ’em. I have received a few messages from people in different walks of life. Some I had/have a relationship with, and some I did not. All of whom have expressed how much they’ve enjoyed the things that I have written, as well as the manner in which they have been communicated. I truly appreciate it. I never expected anyone to ever like what I write. I never even thought that I would ever let anyone see the things that I decided to write about. I was a shy kid who knew that he had many talents but was afraid to be made fun of, because those talents may not make me “cool”. I’ve never been “cool”, though. With that being said, I’m not sure what I was attempting to hold on to. My entire life has been me, standing on the opposite side of what people think is culturally relevant, and it used to bother me. I thought that it was because I was poor. Then I thought that it was because I wasn’t in the same shape as other folks. Hair, height, affiliations…I looked into it all. You know, just to check it off of the list. Gradually, I came to realize that none of that stuff even mattered. In fact, I started to realize that by embracing myself and being comfortable with the person that I know that I am, deep down inside, I don’t even need to be viewed as anything. I’ve been by myself and I will be by myself. I don’t need to be a “part of something” to validate how I feel about who I am. So, I write. And I do plenty of other things. I also DON’T do certain things. Do I think that I am cool , as a result of it all? Meh, not really. That’s for you to decide. But does it even really matter?

Ante Meridiem Thoughts

I try to maintain a certain level of confidence in myself, at all times. I will admit that it is not always the easiest thing to do but I wake up, every morning, and believe in myself. From that point, it’s time to hit the streets and envelope myself in that energy. So, with that being said, what do you believe that you exude? And why do you believe that you exude it? I can tell you why I go around town with that mentality, in my back pocket. There was a time, in my life, when I used to seek validation from different places/people and I would extend (sometimes overextend) myself in order to obtain what I thought that I needed. As I grew to be older, I became upset with those same people, through whom I had sought that very same validation, because I felt like they were aware that I was looking for it in the wrong places and they chose to not steer me into the right direction. I thought that they were arrogant in that. Not realizing that the true arrogance was being actualized by yours truly. It took me a while to get to this place. The place of accountability. I cannot expect anything from anyone, if I don’t let them know that I need it and, as for any sort of validation, everything that I need is within me. Nothing that I do is done because of you. It is about how I feel about it. You may believe that saying this is selfish, and it is, I guess, but I can’t think for anyone other than myself and if I were to continue to seek for others to substantiate my inner strength, I would leave myself open to the possibility of dishonesty to be projected in my direction due to the fact that, unfortunately, some folks do not have your best interests at heart. With anything that you do, you’ve GOT to believe that you can do it. Belief, I have come to realize, is an EXTREMELY rare occurrence. Few veritably believe, whole-heartedly, in what they do/say. This is why I believe that it is truly important to be able to read what is right in front of you, and to utilize all of the tools at your disposal, namely your intuition. This is also why I believe that there is such a large discrepancy between the amount of success and failure, on every level. Now, this isn’t to say that many people don’t actually want to achieve success. I think that everyone wants that. It just comes down to a simple question: “Do you truly believe that you can attain it?”. When you believe, without a shadow of a doubt, success will happen. It is only when you offer up the possibility of failure that you encounter those things that will, potentially, derail you from your quest. I feel the need to be a bit more specific, with my theory. The singular thought of potential failure, rearing it’s ugly head, does not spell the end of your attempt, but you have to extricate those considerations by overwhelming them with belief. Your fears simply cannot be allowed to grow. Your day-to-day will always present you with a challenge (or two) that you may not have been prepared for, challenges that will threaten to undermine the mental state that you have been cultivating, so don’t be surprised when those moments appear. Build a solid base of confidence, and know that you will be able to deal with whatever it is. This is just how I think, every day, and I will stand behind these statements, if necessary. Ain’t nobody gonna look me in my eyes, and tell me that I can’t do something, and have me believing that shit. Never in your life. You’re welcomed to try, though.