I don’t know what to write, at the moment, but that’s never really been an issue. I normally just have to start down a path and, eventually, something shakes loose. I will say this: I’m really glad that I have nurtured my ability to communicate, in this form. I’ve come across a lot of brilliant minds that have a lot of trouble sharing their thoughts, when their thoughts are the only things occupying this blank canvas. I’ve always enjoyed reading but I’m not even sure as to what made me start drafting. It has always just felt…smooth. I wasn’t always skilled at the production aspect of creative writing, but I have been very fortunate to be able to find the words that I need, in order to express the series of interwoven thoughts that paint the picture of where I want to take readers. I’m pretty sure that, as I progress as a writer, I will look back on these entries and see so many flaws that it will embarrass me to think that I ever viewed these posts as “decent”. For now, however, I like ’em. I have received a few messages from people in different walks of life. Some I had/have a relationship with, and some I did not. All of whom have expressed how much they’ve enjoyed the things that I have written, as well as the manner in which they have been communicated. I truly appreciate it. I never expected anyone to ever like what I write. I never even thought that I would ever let anyone see the things that I decided to write about. I was a shy kid who knew that he had many talents but was afraid to be made fun of, because those talents may not make me “cool”. I’ve never been “cool”, though. With that being said, I’m not sure what I was attempting to hold on to. My entire life has been me, standing on the opposite side of what people think is culturally relevant, and it used to bother me. I thought that it was because I was poor. Then I thought that it was because I wasn’t in the same shape as other folks. Hair, height, affiliations…I looked into it all. You know, just to check it off of the list. Gradually, I came to realize that none of that stuff even mattered. In fact, I started to realize that by embracing myself and being comfortable with the person that I know that I am, deep down inside, I don’t even need to be viewed as anything. I’ve been by myself and I will be by myself. I don’t need to be a “part of something” to validate how I feel about who I am. So, I write. And I do plenty of other things. I also DON’T do certain things. Do I think that I am cool , as a result of it all? Meh, not really. That’s for you to decide. But does it even really matter?
Here’s the second part of the interview with Eric. I’m truly glad that I started this segment. It’s fulfilling to be able to lock in with someone and go back and forth, all while having a genuine mutual respect. To hear their thoughts, passions, ideas, and stories, keeps me believing in exactly what this entire ideology was born of; The belief that we are all great. That we are all able to do GREAT things. What exactly those great things are, I will let you figure out for yourself but I know what I have in mind and it, assuredly, isn’t going to plateau with Foreigner Exchange. It isn’t going to peak with The Nightfox Blog.
I’m just getting started.
Get familiar with some of Eric’s work:
Learning to be alone is an arduous process. I say that because , for me, it’s a whole lot more than getting comfortable with the fact that no one will be at home to greet you. That, actually, has very little to do with anything. In my opinion learning to be alone is a never-ending journey of introspection and self-discovery. It’s about honing in on the person that you really are, beyond the societal requirements that force you to act in certain ways that probably weren’t instinctive, anyway. Being honest with yourself. Have you ever been asked this question:
Are you truly content with the person that you know yourself to be?
Think about how often you help without the expectation of a reward (and it can be any type of reward: A thank you, a smile, the last piece of a chocolate bar…Anything.) and tell me if you would maintain that strong desire to be helpful if those rewards weren’t a motivating factor. Those are the types of things that I have spent various moments pouring over. I spend a lot of time speaking to myself, discussing important topics, in order to really understand my stance on those very same subjects because I need to know why I think in the ways that I do. After all, how can I hope to properly convey my thoughts if I don’t get to the core of them? The molecular levels, so to speak, are the ones that interest me the most. Although I write, every day, my writing is not for that specific purpose. If that were to be the case, I would never have any substantial time to do anything else, because I would be hamstrung by my thoughts. The alone time that I have, now, serves those purposes as well as many others, within the realm of introspection.
There’s a lot of “inner cleaning” to do, if I can say so. I don’t think that I would ever openly discuss all of the things that need to be worked upon, with anyone that I know, but just know that I know what needs to be done. The next step is actually getting to a point where I actually start making those changes. In saying that, I don’t mean to imply that the changes will all be made on my own. No, no, no. I will definitely need to be assisted in getting to the place that I, ultimately, want to be. I believe in myself, though. I know that I can undertake difficult missions. And I am not afraid of doing so because the painful moments, that I know will forever be associated with facing the honest truths about about who I truly am, are things that I am comfortable accepting. The fear, for me, is in getting so comfortable being with myself that I don’t hesitate to keep it that way, and stop making efforts to socialize. This is a very, very, real possibility that I feel in my soul. On the other hand, maybe that is a momentary necessity in order for me to find some sort of enlightenment. And when I would feel that the time is right, I would reemerge as a new individual. Who knows?
So many questions, but the great thing is that I am opening to the answers. Regardless of how I will feel about them, afterwards. I, sometimes, have trouble allowing myself to celebrate small victories, but to have started this blog and to have written as much as I have, is something that I will enjoy for a little bit. I write simply to get my thoughts out. Be it wacky, emotional, or wayward, I do this as a release. I am no better, or worse than anyone, anywhere and I will maintain this stance for the rest of this life. I just enjoy this form of communicating and I am so glad that you guys/girls are on this journey with me. I haven’t always enjoyed being with myself, but those days are over. I look forward to seeing where I take it, from here.
This part of what Milton and I filmed is much more introspective than the first iteration. My description of this video won’t be as long as the first part because I believe that the recording explains any and everything that I would need anyone to understand. Enjoy.
Ben…man…what can I say about Ben? He is quite a character. We struck up a very quick friendship, upon the basis of his efforts to engineer a culture of sharing, within the community. I have a lot of respect for that because, this is a man that is using his valuable time to spark an idea in the minds of others. An idea that shouldn’t be so foreign to us. I know that we all share things with people that we love. You might make dinner for your significant other, or buy your kid a cookie, but what about the people that you have no emotional connection to? Do you have to feel something for someone in order to do a selfless deed? In that case, is it truly selfless? Whatever you believe to be true, Ben is challenging that notion with a picnic blanket and some vegetables, harvested on the farm that he works on. The shit, ain’t elaborate. Nor does it have to be.
I make sure to see him every week, on my way back home, and I have seen the growth in his project. Drivers, stuck in traffic, can’t help but watch as cyclists, joggers, and various passers-by stop under the tree, where the vegetables have been set, and start to learn of the idea that Ben is attempting to project to the masses. I see other folks wanting to know what is going on but they are nervous, apprehensive maybe. He understands, and greets everyone with the same warm-hearted smile, regardless of whatever face they make, in his direction. Please take the time to listen to the conversation that we had, in our time together. The idea to share with others definitely isn’t new but, every now and then, we need a bit of a recharge. As Ben shares with us, I share this with you.