I try to maintain a certain level of confidence in myself, at all times. I will admit that it is not always the easiest thing to do but I wake up, every morning, and believe in myself. From that point, it’s time to hit the streets and envelope myself in that energy. So, with that being said, what do you believe that you exude? And why do you believe that you exude it? I can tell you why I go around town with that mentality, in my back pocket. There was a time, in my life, when I used to seek validation from different places/people and I would extend (sometimes overextend) myself in order to obtain what I thought that I needed. As I grew to be older, I became upset with those same people, through whom I had sought that very same validation, because I felt like they were aware that I was looking for it in the wrong places and they chose to not steer me into the right direction. I thought that they were arrogant in that. Not realizing that the true arrogance was being actualized by yours truly. It took me a while to get to this place. The place of accountability. I cannot expect anything from anyone, if I don’t let them know that I need it and, as for any sort of validation, everything that I need is within me. Nothing that I do is done because of you. It is about how I feel about it. You may believe that saying this is selfish, and it is, I guess, but I can’t think for anyone other than myself and if I were to continue to seek for others to substantiate my inner strength, I would leave myself open to the possibility of dishonesty to be projected in my direction due to the fact that, unfortunately, some folks do not have your best interests at heart. With anything that you do, you’ve GOT to believe that you can do it. Belief, I have come to realize, is an EXTREMELY rare occurrence. Few veritably believe, whole-heartedly, in what they do/say. This is why I believe that it is truly important to be able to read what is right in front of you, and to utilize all of the tools at your disposal, namely your intuition. This is also why I believe that there is such a large discrepancy between the amount of success and failure, on every level. Now, this isn’t to say that many people don’t actually want to achieve success. I think that everyone wants that. It just comes down to a simple question: “Do you truly believe that you can attain it?”. When you believe, without a shadow of a doubt, success will happen. It is only when you offer up the possibility of failure that you encounter those things that will, potentially, derail you from your quest. I feel the need to be a bit more specific, with my theory. The singular thought of potential failure, rearing it’s ugly head, does not spell the end of your attempt, but you have to extricate those considerations by overwhelming them with belief. Your fears simply cannot be allowed to grow. Your day-to-day will always present you with a challenge (or two) that you may not have been prepared for, challenges that will threaten to undermine the mental state that you have been cultivating, so don’t be surprised when those moments appear. Build a solid base of confidence, and know that you will be able to deal with whatever it is. This is just how I think, every day, and I will stand behind these statements, if necessary. Ain’t nobody gonna look me in my eyes, and tell me that I can’t do something, and have me believing that shit. Never in your life. You’re welcomed to try, though.
I’ve tended to look inward, a lot, over the past few years. The writing that I do, in that book, every day has been a major catalyst in the process. There is a lot of mental debris but I find ways to navigate and find the clearings. I was incapable of even thinking about a statement like that, a few years ago, but I am a new person today. I recently found out that Rocio got engaged. That’s huge. I saw it and I thought to myself “Oh shit!”…I searched inward for the rest of the emotions that surely were trailing right behind, but there was nothing. No anger, no jealousy, not an ounce of resentment. I’m happy for her and for that guy. I really hope that it works out. I asked my brother about his past relationships, namely one in particular, and I wanted to know if he still thinks about them. He does. Everyone does, to an extent. I do too, but it’s changed. I used to have this nostalgia about what was. Stuck in the self-created euphoria of my past love, all the while ignoring the fact that there are always two sides to a coin…It wasn’t always love. There was a lot of hate. A lot of negativity. A lot of pointless situations that we could have both done without. Overreactions from both sides. If all of that is taken into context, then I get to where I am now, which is content with the result. Plus, I am in such a better situation that it’s ridiculous. When that whole thing ended, I was really down because I was not able to get closure on it, in a way that I felt comfortable with. It was refused, to me. It haunted me for years. I am no longer in need of any validation from that situation or that time in my life. I am ready to lift-off. I have done my penance.To myself. And now, I am done with that.I told myself over and over that I wouldn’t allow that situation to define who I am as a person. It was the starting block to my story, for a while. I clung to it, as though the pain was somehow symbiotic, but no. No. This blog started on account of that part of my life but it was never meant to be sustained as such. I am ready to take a transformational step. I thought that I was ready for a while but I was not. My heart and mind are lighter, these days. Other hardships are coming, let’s not act like they aren’t. The positive in that? I can now have a much clearer head, to take on those coming issues. Whatever they are. Stephan is here. And the fire burns fierce.
I would like to talk about something serious, for a minute. Our mental health. How often do we work on strengthening it? I’ll readily tell you that I thought that I did work on it but I’ve come to realize that the time invested has been minimal. I’ve been through a few things that really tested my ability to move forward and I’ve had to truly get in touch with myself and work. Not on how I was going to get out of the situation that was bearing down on me, but on how I was going to strengthen my mind in order to deal with the situation at hand. I feel that the only prevalent mentions of mental health revolve around sports and concussions therein and there are very little mentions about it for every day citizens living in this world of increased pressure to succeed and a severe stagnation of necessary outlets to help us cope with our every day issues.
I was speaking to a friend, this weekend, and I could see that she’s worked very hard on that aspect of her life. Looking into her eyes, I could see that there was nothing this world could throw at her that she wouldn’t be able to deal with. Strong…It was incredible to be looking that in the face. I don’t think that I have ever seen that in anyone before. She mentioned that, although she seems calm and collected on the exterior, she battles with her expectations and that she has to work on herself constantly in order to regain control of the issues she faces. And that’s when I realized it. I think. Now, disclaimer: You don’t have to believe this. This is my personal opinion.
It was incredible to be looking that in the face. I don’t think that I have ever seen that in anyone before.
I realized that there is a pattern between the amount of things that are thrown at us, on a daily basis, that distract us from working on ourselves. We are in a world where we are the most important commodities and, as such, companies spend millions of dollars, each year, to try to gain our attention through inventive ads, salacious pictures, and basically manufacturing a perceived need for what they are offering. We run after a lot of different things, and assume that we’re mentally strong and that we can deal with the obstacles that oppose our progression but I don’t think that our mental acuity is tested enough for us to really know what we are made of. We’re distracted by everything around us and if we can take the time to really learn about ourselves and strengthen our minds, we will realize that the power is within each of us. That it has been there the entire time and that we don’t need anything exterior to harness it. It starts with taking the time to do it, though. Instead of trying to look for the next thing to spend your money on, invest in yourself.
I need to get something off of my chest. I’ve hit a wall. I am not very happy with my lack of forward movement. Actually, it’s not even really a wall. I put myself in a bad spot and so I have to act strategically in order to rid myself of the nuisance that currently plagues my existence. The catch is that I need to get back to doing things that I normally do, in order to feel that joy and happiness that fuels my positivity but to be able to feel those emotions I must maintain the focus that I currently have. Vicious cycle. I’m not enjoying myself in my current state and that could be due to a couple of things but more importantly than naming those reasons, I need to embrace this…malaise that seems to be tormenting me at present.
I’ve recently learned something about being in a negative emotional state, that I carry with me with every waking moment. Personally, when dealing with a sort of personal tragedy, the understanding that I cannot speed up the process of feeling better was an important discovery. Anger, sadness, woe, these are all emotions and as such I feel as though they need to be worked through over time. I’ve never heard of anyone trying to speed up the feeling of joy or any other positive sentiment. You ride the positive feeling all the way out, until there’s nothing left, and so when I feel a particular feeling that I deem as counter-productive to my positivity, I need to ride it out because there is nothing else that I can do about it. It’s a natural occurrence and by attempting to “put out the fire” I’m actually just delaying said process. So I had to make peace with that reality. The steps differ from person to person but the fact, in my mind, remains the same.
So here I am, on the precipice of a new emotion but still languishing in the throws of one that I don’t like so much. Taking everything one step at a time is uber necessary because looking too far ahead makes me feel like I will never get to where I’m attempting to go. So I will get some sleep and wake in the moment that is today. I’ll have my chia seeds and I will start thinking about whatever it is I dreamt about, the night before. And I will be annoyed and unhappy. But it will go away. Because I’m focused on the task that will lead to my happiness. One step at a time.